Reflections

I’m in a weird place these days… inside my head. Yeah, I know, strange. (here is where we all roll our eyes…)

I feel I am in a liminal place lately. (Go ahead and look it up - I had to when I first heard it.) It was summed up well for me and hit close to home…

What was is no more and what is to be is yet to come.

That’s exactly where I feel I am. Things have changed enough in my life that I no longer feel comfortable where I once did. Job. Family. Friends. Bike club. Hobbies. Life. Nothing feels like it used to. Something has changed, and I’m not sure yet whether that change is a good thing or not. The path forward is still unclear.

Someone once very close to me shattered my image of my life on her way out of my life. She pointed out the shortcomings of my friends, the tenuous threads of relationships that I had once held very dear. This opened my eyes to ignored underlying issues and emptiness surrounding those relationships, which shattered my support network - not that those people aren’t still there, but that I now see them differently, and not entirely trustworthily.

Without those friendships and networks, I am uncertain what my future looks like. I know what my dreams and aspirations are - or at least what I would like them to be - but I am not quite sure how to approach them anymore.

The view doesn’t get old but sometimes it does get a little blurry. We don’t tire of what we love, we just lose focus, lose sight, forget why we do it or who we do it for. I need to get back to that. Back to what I love. Back to who I am.

Remember, a shift in luck is often just a shift in perspective.

Sunday, April 5, 2015. Easter Sunday. Exactly 11 years ago today, I began what had been a childhood dream, to thru hike the Appalachian Trail. It was a life-changing experience, something I think about nearly every single day, and something that completely altered my life, and my path. And I think I need the next big altering event. I came back knowing who I was, what I wanted, and where I was headed. And somewhere along the way, I lost track of my own White Blaze path. Maybe that is why I feel so adrift, so alone, so lost. I have no goal, no path to follow, no daily direction. And figuring out what that looks like now is harder than anything I have ever done before.

I know nobody really reads this anymore, and ultimately, it’s on me, for me, and about me. But sometimes putting the words down and sending them into the great unknown helps to solidify a path to begin moving forward again…

One step at a time. Wish me luck.

Remember to always Spin the Compass.